It’s all too easy to pick fault with ourselves, whether that’s by second guessing our decisions, or by dwelling on our insecurities. I’ve been writing lately about various aspects of Inner Game, from dealing with Approach Anxiety to pushing through the discomfort of rejection.
On a similar track my mind was day dreaming today about a certain woman. Pondering the beauty of a woman is an all too easy pass time for me. From the soft lines of her face, to the allure of her eyes.. her full lips that I can’t stop thinking about.. I kept glancing at them when she was talking to me. Her smooth skin.. the curves of her body. Deep breath…….aaaannd continue.. In fact if we didn’t have to talk to each other I could happily have a conversation in my own head while gazing at a woman’s beauty.. hmm and I could quite easily do that right now, so before I completely lose my train of thought here.. What does she see in me? What can she see in me? Does she have to like my physical looks? Can she feel these types of feelings towards any aspect of me? ..and perhaps most importantly.. Do I like me?
What is there about me that she can find beautiful in some way, if I were to look through her eyes, and listen through her ears? This doesn’t have to be about physical looks either. However, I am of the opinion that once you start connecting with someone, you do start to change the way you see them to some extent. Your perception of their beauty actually changes. If you really connect then they appear more attractive to you overall, and you feel more comfortable in their company. On the flip side, when someone’s personality is off in some way, or they fundamentally conflict with your core values, then you may perceive that person as less attractive. Can you think of times in your own life when either of these were true? Take a moment to think about this, before you continue to follow along with what I’m saying.
I find that when you’re emotions are in sync with those of another, as Daniel Goleman
Finding someone more, or less attractive when in synchrony doesn’t have to be from a sexual perspective either. You might start to appreciate the attractive qualities of someone of the same sex as you. Similarly, it may be a much older person whom you picture as a grandparent figure. Perhaps the bags under someone’s eyes start to reflect their depth of character in a charming way. Or maybe you become aware that their eyes themselves possess a certain quality that is quite beautiful. When they smile you find yourself smiling, filled with warm emotions, while noticing a playful glint in their eye for the first time. Isn’t this attractive? Opening up your awareness to appreciate the beauty in others, is a wonderful mechanism for opening up your appreciation of your own attractive qualities.
There is something to be learned from my friends who practice yoga, when they greet each other by saying Namaste – “The light within me honors the light within you.”
A fitting variation may be:
“The beauty of me admires the beauty of you.”
Opening up your awareness also involves being able to listen and accept the compliments that you receive. Doubly so for repeated compliments from women. If more than one person has told you something to the effect that; your smile is charming, or that you are intelligent, fun to be around, you make the person feel comfortable being around you, or any other quality of yours is particular attractive, then believe it! Even if at first you don’t think that it’s actually true. Realize that from someone else’s point of view it very well might be.
A man I very much admire once said to me, ” Take a good look at yourself in the mirror. If you don’t like the person staring back at you every day, then you better find a way to like that person. You’re going to be seeing him for a really long time.”
If someone were to ask you what your favorite attribute is about yourself, do you have an answer?
- I think my eyes are attractive. I don’t get instant compliments about them, and for a brief time I even wore colored contacts to cover them up. When a girlfriend is in my arms during an intimate moment, while we are gazing into each others eyes, then in that moment I often hear how beautiful my eyes are.
- I know that I’m a great conversationalist, granted I’ve made a conscious effort to improve my communication skills. I do get compliments about this on a regular basis. Would this make you appear more attractive to a woman? Absolutely!
- I know that people instantly feel comfortable around me. I’ve heard this countless times from women, and also from students when teaching workshops.
There I gave you three personal examples. Only one was a physical attribute, and objectively compared to people with absolutely stunning eyes, mine are just average. I find them a beautiful part of me non the less.
May the beauty in others admire the beauty in you.
May you find the beauty in yourself, and in others.
~ Justin
Adding a pic of Michael Jackson to this piece was awesome. Made the point really hit home.
I wasn't too sure about putting that in there.. thnx
My experience with beauty is a metaphysical type of thing. I read books from Masaru Emoto. What he does is he freezes water and labels them with words. Long story short. The frozen water with positive words are beautiful beautiful crystals; negative words, cant even form a crystal. This is looked at under a high powered microscope.
Well, I called myself beautiful and listened to classical music for about a week, and I start getting alot of looks from aota women. I ended up with a 9 girlfriend. Everyday I would call myself beautiful in the mirror and really feel it. What happened was that girls started to tell me I had a perfect face and that I was pretty/beautiful.
Quantum physics or what!!!!!!!!
I believe the water in my body changed, which changed the structure of my face.
That is one of the most exciting things I've read..
I've always found it difficult to find the beauty in me
Sounds like magic..If I look in the mirror and see my beauty,
others will too?
I am going to do it everyday and see for myself..
Thanks for inspiring me.
Yeah shaanz. This whole world is vibrational. It freeking awsome. Energy flows where the attention goes. Your words are vibration, along with music as well.You interpret vibration as “it must be true then”. So if you visualized the best, listened to good music(classical), told yourself things that you would want to hear and be true, then you would make some real deep changes which would really effect your outer world. You arent lieing to yourself either, you are being a creator and creating your own truth.
Yeah, its an exciting thing to change your results by telling yourself things in the mirror and listening to beautiful music. You just feel more powerful and a sense of more control!
I find it depends a lot on what you do how much you like yourself. If you've hit the gym, got some sun, accomplished something you feel more likable. If you ate a pizza watching old movies for 10 hours you feel like crap. Your emotions will flow from your motions. Thanks Jdog, great post.
It's easy to live in a world continually flooded with the ideas of perfection. We all fall victim to it – the simple smile of a man, the mystique of his eyes but for me, personally, no matter how beautiful or – un-beautiful he is, if he lacks confidence or poise, tact or wit it is near impossible to see past any of it. There is something to say about a man who isn't afraid to expose himself (and no, I don't mean whippin it out) BUT men, this doesn't mean cry every time you see a Hallmark commercial or acting like a teenager. It simply means being a little more you – find your talents and trust me, having a kickass body only gets you so far when you're looking for actual substance. You want to get laid? Absolutely show us those abs. You want someone who's going to sit there when you had a really shitty day at work and tell you, “ya know what? Who cares. Tomorrow we all get another chance”. And kiss you and grab a glass and share some wine or beer or a little caress. It's often the simplest of things and the older you get, the more drama you see (and trust me men, you're full of drama too) you start to see what matters. I know it's hard for you guys – women these days are really shallow and sadly, not all that sharp. They think of only immediacies like money or power or how they can “look” better by being with you. I get it. Thankfully I am not that way and while they all try to beat down the door, the one that's actually going to get in, isn't going to be a dick. Certainly not to me. At his job, when he's conquering the world – he can be whatever he wants. But with me: I need to feel like I can say I need a night alone and know he's not going to get all bent out of shape and know when he needs the same, I'll be happy to give it. and I also need to know we can talk about anything and have fun and just live life. And yes, I want to be ravished sometimes. I'm human. And primal. Hey – We're all human. And we're all flawed. What is actually beautiful is belief in yourself. You are only as amazing as you want to be and everything in this life is a choice. Even when shit happens and our hearts get shattered, the way we handle it is what is up to us. It can be fuel to give you strength to be the best version of yourself or it can lose you. I personally will never let life's hardships or relationship woes mistreat me for too long. I have to believe I'm only going to be better at the end of it. So shed your tears, feel a little down and then look at that mirror and start seeing the beauty in yourself. When you see it, we all see it. And I mean the beauty with substance, not just physical 'hotness”. Would be a good start for all of us!
Thanks for the honest and insightful comment.. men listen up to what Dawn is saying here! ..and perhaps I've read your website too.. fascination encounter you had there! Cheers.. J!
Nothing quite like honesty or the intoxication of sensuality 🙂 Words and openness are the only real way to figure any of this out! You definitely have an interesting perspective on finding oneself and being brave enough to actually look directly INTO the mirror and see your faults and flaws as character and beauty (as it should be).
And men – even the boys – don't overdo any of it. Just relax and you'll get much further!