picking up a girl while she's driving

“Picking Up A Younger Woman While She’s Driving.”

I was exchanging stories with a friend recently on the topic of how we met some of our girlfriends. If I could bottle my friend’s attitude and sell that to you I would definitely make a fortune. He is what most people would call a “natural,” as in he’s a natural with women. Just having lunch with him the other day he couldn’t help himself flirt casually with the sexiest woman that walked in.

He wasn’t distracted from the conversation. I didn’t feel like he was mentally in another place. You know when you are trying to talk with someone and they are obviously not present. He just intuitively made a comment to her as she walked past us to the counter. She smiled back, and he picked it up again as she was leaving. It’s this kind of natural and casual ease that I try to instill in my students.

For sake of privacy let’s call my friend Ron. Okay, so ‘Ron’ used to work in the airline industry, and needless to say that delving into his many encounters would take quite some time. Honestly, some of his stories from those days may be too outrageous even for my readers! What follows however is how he met his last girlfriend.

He had just come out of the gym looking a tad disheveled, when he spotted a rather attractive woman walking briskly across the parking lot. There was no time to catch up to her as she was getting into her convertible, and driving away.

Ron’s gym is situated inside a resort hotel, and there was a shortcut through the hotel that allowed him to walk to the hotel entrance before she had left the parking lot. He literally makes a run for it! Having arrived at the entrance/exit just as she was pulling up at the stop sign, Ron casually walks past her car, initiates the chat with something innocuous such as, “perfect weather for driving with the top down.” He gives her that natural confident, and slightly cheeky smile of his. She agrees, and maintains good eye contact with him, but then starts to drive off.

So with nothing to lose Ron shouts after her, “Hey if you’re not doing anything later then I’ll be in Fox’s having a drink tonight about 8′o clock.. I’ll be there anyway tonight, you should stop by. She shouted back about having to be somewhere and not sure what time she would be back. He repeated, “Fox’s at 8.. I’ll be there anyway!”

She drives away.. he walks off.

As it turns out he ended up with other plans that night, and forgot all about going to the Fox bar & restaurant. The next night however, he does just happen to stop off there for a drink. It’s early evening, a few groups of people dotted about the bar. Ron scans the room confidently while walking in. Just who do you think happens to be there.. the mystery woman from the parking lot. She was talking with not one, but two gentlemen. The three of them standing at one of those taller bar tables.

Good old Ron wastes no time at all. Mystery lady was facing away from the door so she hadn’t seen him. Ron walks past the table as if he hadn’t noticed her. He walks past on her side, opposite side from the two guys. When he’s just barely past the table he looks around at the people as one naturally might.

Her eyes dart up for a brief moment, but that was all he needed. He stopped, and gave her a slightly puzzled look. You know that look that you give someone when you think you recognize them. “Wait.. I know you,” he says with a smile. “From the parking lot, right? How was your outing?”

Ron confides in me at this point that he really didn’t expect her to remember him as when he chased down her car in that parking lot he was in ratty old, sweaty gym clothes. Whereas now he was dressed pretty smart for the evening.

The first thing she retorted was, “So where were you the other night?” Apparently, she had actually turned up at the bar sometime around 8pm! By this point he had walked up to the table, and was leaning against it talking directly with her. Just ignoring the other guys. Ron kept chatting with the lady, and they had an instant date. The other two guys walked away shortly after Ron joined the table.

Following that encounter they ended up in a relationship for almost a year.

By the way.. he’s 52!

I think this is an excellent example of a natural’s direct approach. To wrap up I’m just going to point out some of the differences between “indirect game” and this natural direct type of approach. Neither way is necessarily better than the other. It really depends upon the circumstances and logistics of where you meet the girl in question.

You will also find that some approaches tend to work better for you personally. My advice is to open with both ways a large number of times until you develop that sense for what works best in a variety of situations. Discover what works most consistently for you.

To further differentiate Ron’s style from a “trained” pickup artist.. He was direct and confident the whole time. He definitely exudes a sexual masculinity that women pick up on, from his subtly cheeky smile to his sexual gaze. You can see him undressing her with his eyes, but not in a creepy way.. in the right way, that women instantly pick up on.

There were no crazy stories reiterated to the woman, no false opinion opener, no false time constraint. He didn’t open the obstacles when at the bar, instead ignoring them completely. This is in essence the confident direct and natural approach.

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2. I Need Your Fucking Opinion? ..Come On!
3. Day Game vs Nightclub Game

This is a preview of a 2-part 40 minute series for my newsletter readers. If you want to view the rest of this video then signup for the newsletter at ASKJDOG.com.

I am breaking down some of the finer points of sexual flirtation, when meeting and dating women. I keep things in simple terms, and show several real life interactions with an old girlfriend of mine. Watch for the natural flirtatious flow back and forth between the two of us. In fact you may want to watch this several times.

Sexual escalation is a combination of leading from casual comfort & superficial flirtation.. to more intimate touch, and an interaction that progresses with a more sexual tone. This sexually charged flirtatious dance is a natural process. Whether it’s more playful in nature as is often the case with my personality style, or more intense in nature that is perhaps more James Bond.. the underlying principles are the same.

• Use of language to sexually tease, make her laugh, or imply sexual themes.
• Notice her response, even very subtle positive indicators are a green light.
• If her response is positive (she gives you an indicator of interest, such as laughing, holding eye contact, initiating touch, flicking her hair, etc.) then touch her in a confident and comfortable manner. You could tell her something interesting about women’s rings or fingers, while demonstrating on her hand. This can be very sexy, and yet very safe and comfortable.
• Roll off to allow a brief cool down moment. This maintains a woman’s level of comfort. It is also part of the natural sexual dance that should flow back and forth in the mating game. This is also a moment of reflection on her part, albeit subconscious on how much she enjoyed your touch, how excited she was, how turned on she was, and yet how comfortable she is around you. She wants more. It becomes a moment of anticipation.

This little process repeats and you are now sexually escalating. Of course the danger is to progress too far in an inopportune place, such as the bar or coffee shop where you meet for the first time.

Why is progressing too fast, even with maintained comfort, generally a bad thing? I don’t know if you’ve ever met a girl in a club or on a dance floor, and made out with her, or perhaps did the bump and grind thing on the dance floor. Only to have her flake on you and never see you again.

If you progress too far then a woman is able to get powerfully sexually validated in an exciting public environment, while staying in her safe zone. She is safe because nothing is actually going to happen with you there. Women will do this even when they are not particularly attracted to a guy, and therefore have no intention of seeing the guy again from the get go. Alternatively, they may actually like you, but once things progress too far in that location the thought of seeing you again can make her feel awkward. If this happens she may avoid further contact with you.

Many guys miss these principles of progressing things in the right manner. Acting like a horny dog by pushing forwards with more aggressive touchy feely behaviour, often leads to the girl feeling discomfort. A women can be attracted to a guy one minute, and then turned off the next if she feels he is not connecting with her. If she senses he is only interested in her as a sex object. The exception being women looking for a one night stand, or some more overtly sexual women such as exotic dancers perhaps who don’t necessarily value emotional connection.

Related posts:

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Getting to know each other

Without hesitation I would have to say that the most common question I’m asked when out and about is, “Can you just give me one tip.. one quick piece of advice on what to say?” In answer to this I have decided to give you not one but 10 quick tips! 

However, these aren’t openers and they’re not lines, and no they are not routines either.  Rather they provide some practical insight into connecting on a deeper level, thus keeping in the same vein as my last article (see “Losing my connection.. can you feel me now?”) 

Consider this as the foundation for ensuring that women will never flake on you again! You may recall that my comfort game is extremely strong, but it hasn’t always been that way for me. It’s something that I really had to work on. It’s something that improved as I matured emotionally, aided by my personal life experiences, and evolved through spending lots of time with women.

From now on when in comfort (after the initial attraction) and your mind goes blank on what to talk about, just remember the following 10 points:

1. When lost for words use Conversational Themes, such as talking about; Travel, The Government, The Economy, Music, Art, Books, Hobbies, Yours and Her Passions, Your Likes and Dislikes, or your Pet Peeves.

These are some topics that I actually like discussing. The key is to keep things interesting, and to keep the emotions engaged, while actually getting to know each other.

2. Talking with Passion, and being comfortable with your own self-expression. Women are extremely attracted to passionate men, who are comfortable expressing their feelings, views and thoughts on important issues, or on topics that have strong meaning for themselves. The key is to involve her, and not rant too much.

3. Demonstrate your Intelligence! I enjoy talking about complex issues that most people wouldn’t discuss on a first date. I talk about; politics, the government, economics, big pharma, engineering, and I vocalize my pet peeves.

Women love intelligent men, but they get turned off by boring men! The key is to keep things interesting, evoke her emotions, and keep it brief.

When a girl feels that she has learnt something about a complex issue, and that you reduced it down to a concept that she could understand without oversimplifying it, she feels more intelligent, she reveres you, and she feels connected. She will want to know you more.

4. Recognize and encourage the observation of Commonalities between you. These should be a big part of why you actually like her! Stop already with the, “No way, you like Pearl Jam, I love Pearl Jam.. high five!” Little superficial rapport builders like that can be fun and playful in the attraction phase, but later on it’s not enough. Guys that use such statements during comfort come off as transparent, insincere, untrustworthy, and just not real.

For example, I may be talking about travel when she chimes in and tells me about getting lost in Europe, and I tell her how we lost our car in Vegas when I was 17 and spent 3 hours in a cab combing the city for it.

Or, she talks about her favourite band, and the feeling she gets when watching them play live, and I tell her about my first concert that I snuck into, and how I’d never seen so many people in one place… and they were all unified, united… together in this moment.. it was amazing! (Hey a little NLP helps.. JDOG looks around mischievously.)

5. Understanding Her. This is where you must get out of your own head, and actually notice her. Notice when her eyes kind of sparkle and she gets excited about telling you something, or conversely when a subject makes her distant or melancholy.

Tell her something about herself that most people overlook. Find things to appreciate about her other than her big babalons, and let her know that it’s those qualities that you find so attractive about her. 

6. If you expect that a virtual stranger will instantly open up to you, then you are mistaken. That’s why Sharing and Going First is important. When you open up about something that has deeper meaning for you, whether happy or deeper sad emotions, she will to some extent experience those emotions with you. Remember those mirror neurons? She will feel connected to you, and she may then want to share something from her life, no doubt some of her deeper emotions.

7. Branching from topic to topic. You know when you are just hanging out with a bunch of guy friends, one conversation morphs into 5 different conversations as each of you chime in, sharing your thoughts and experiences. Be that comfortable here, as it’s better to talk about 20 seemingly unrelated topics than staying on 1 subject for an hour.

Afterwards you can always say, “Whoa, how did we start talking about this?” Then you can even backtrack the conversation, or just comment on how interesting she is.

8. Cut Negative and Boring Threads. Recognise when the conversation starts becoming too heavy, or boring, and change the subject. It is not necessary for the transition to make logical sense, just start talking about something completely different.

This can be done as simply as saying something like, “That reminds me I read this article about…” or “I was driving yesterday when such and such happened..” or “Hey get this..”

9. Call Backs. This is done frequently in comedy, where it is referred to as call back humour. For instance, if you gave her the nickname “little pirate” 5 minutes after you met her, then you can call her that 30 minutes later, “look little pirate.. blah.. blah..” Alternatively, you can do this in a serious manner by later referencing something she said.

Remember what I told you about the necessity of understanding her (see above,) well 5 or 10 minutes after she says something that is important to her bring it up again. That really shows you were listening, and were taking notice of her. For example, “You know when you were talking about music earlier.. it just seemed like it’s one of the most important parts of your life.”

10. Remember to maintain the sexual tension, and move things along. Use call back humour to teaser her a little, smell her neck, and tell her how great she smells, hold her hand, and let her play with your fingers.

Oh, and if she does play with your fingers you most likely can kiss her. If so, kiss her, and enjoy it but hold off on groping or getting too sexual too quickly, especially if you are still in the location where you met each other. Oh, and now’s the time to say, “Ya really turn me on wiv ya big babalons.” (Grin.)

Early on I was premeditated in the comfort phase, I was coming from a place of scarcity and insecurity with women, and was just trying to figure out what I was doing wrong. I experimented to attain an understanding of what worked. Sound familiar? Now, it’s just who I am, and now there is this natural flow of getting to know one another, albeit in a sexually excited way.

Developing your ability to genuinely connect with women will certainly put you ahead of the pack, and as I’ve stated before when a guy can connect on this level women feel compelled to see you again, and again, and.. well you get the picture.

If you like this breakdown then I would love to see your comments! You may also wish to visit my website www.askjdog.com where I post free video lessons, and answer questions. Cheers.. JDOG!

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Making a real connection

I find myself on a train heading from Leeds to London, encapsulated in my own world via the perfect pairing of Shure noise isolating headphones, and iPhone. It’s been four years since I was last in my home country, and this has been an interesting trip. First off I had the most amazing teaching experience, when teaching and coaching with Dr. Paul Dobransky in London.

– Countryside blurs past the window to the soundtrack of U2. –

I just pulled out my copy of “Social Intelligence,” by Daniel Goleman. A must read for everyone by the way! This book is profound. It breaks down processes in the brain that, in some form or fashion, I’ve been teaching about for years. The more of it I read the better it gets. I will talk more about this book later.

Lately I’ve been thinking about how everyone seems to be teaching social skills these days, but very few of them teach men how to really be men. Where is the bootcamp on how to develop emotional maturity, or provide any kind of process to really connect with people in a genuine and honest way? It’s as if the seduction community is breeding a generation of used-car-salesman-seducers, or Salesman Seducers, or SADucers for short.. hmmm I like that, SADusers!

While I whole-heartedly agree that the outward social skills need to be taught, there is a strong need for a shift in focus to address the underlying causes of what makes some men lack confidence with women, and also what makes these ‘nice guys’ extremely poor boyfriend material. Perhaps I’m stretching here, but maybe.. just maybe.. some of these guys should be getting a teensy bit of advice on how to remedy their actual problems. Nah, I’m just having a moment of craziness.

Picking up women is a skill set; picking up women in a club is a very specific skill. Manipulating women into bed, a skill. Keeping quality women in your life, and mutually enjoying such relationships requires some personal growth. Becoming the man that women find naturally attractive, and being someone that they find themselves wanting to be around, is more about emotional growth in my opinion than anything else.

For want of a better term I’m going to suggest that people who focus purely on the external skills, as ‘masking’ their issues with women. Salesman Seducers are learning a skill set that simply masks their insecurities, and for some they can attract women that way. Can anyone else hear whispers of, “…buyer’s remorse… low self esteem… remorse..” somewhere in the back of their mind? No, yes, maybe? Hmm, perhaps it’s just me.

Do you think that such maskers are truly happy with themselves? Do they truly have high self-esteem? Do they have the emotional maturity to be able to connect with women on anything less than a superficial level?

Now you may be wondering if all JDOG’s going to do is rant, and perhaps you’re even saying to yourself, “hey JDOG teach me something already!” Which leads me back to talking about some elements of Daniel Goleman’s book, specifically, empathic communication.

Formula To Why Girls Flake

One serious problem I see with many of the guys chatting on message boards, and sarging with their lair counterparts is that they run game ‘at’ women. They are often not really present in the moment, with a genuine interest in getting to know her. Somewhere along the way, practicing relentlessly with their training wheels, they lost the plot.

With that in mind what I am about to share with you will undoubtedly help you become extremely attractive to the opposite sex. First some assumptions, yes I’m still an engineer at heart, and anything to be proven or tested scientifically has a set of assumptions in order for the argument to completely make sense.

1) If you are only interested in one night stands, then this most likely doesn’t apply to you, and if that is where your level of emotional maturity is at it’s absolutely fine. There is no judgment here on my part… ok maybe a little (grin.)

2) The game, so to speak, is won in comfort. You may have already heard this phrase. Well I personally think that this is where most of your effort should be placed. Granted you need to be able to ignite some initial attraction. God knows I spent far too long running high octane attraction game, opening every group of people several nights a week, for what seemed like an eternal night club stage show ala JDOG. Several shows a night, guaranteed to make you laugh, and service with a smile.. every time. Hoo-Ah!

3) The lady that you are interested in must feel some level of attraction for you, or intrigue, or interest in you BEFORE things progress into comfort. If this isn’t yet happening you still have some refining to do on your communication, amongst perhaps some other things. However, unless you fall into the one nightstand interest group (see assumption #1) then what I‘m about to teach you still applies.

4) Extremes are usually a bad thing. Please make no mistake here, I am certainly not suggesting that we all get so in touch with each other’s emotions that we behave like a bunch of women.. no offence intended to our female readers J.

Now, with the assumptions understood let’s continue. I see too many guys stuck in a never-ending cycle of trying to improve their attraction game, when they are already generating attraction. They fall short by never actually connecting with the girl in comfort. Dr. Paul calls this phase ‘friendship’ and perhaps that is a more appropriate term.

I certainly share a friendship with the women that I have sexual relationships with. Sure, sexual, intimate, and sometimes short-term friends maybe, but it is a friendship non-the-less.

Attraction usually takes place rather quickly, say during; an initial impression, first 10 minutes, first 30 minutes perhaps? Rarely is it a long drawn out epic-movie-type process that goes on for days, or weeks, months, or years. The real time spent together is AFTER she realizes that she is attracted to you in some way.

So what happens if you find yourself hanging out with the girl of your dreams? She was into you initially, and then it just seems like you are constantly fumbling around with ‘comfort routines’ and question games, and such, but there is an emptiness between you. A void. An emotional, and almost physical void. You feel it, and she certainly feels it.

I will tell you what happens next. She loses attraction. She loses interest. She doesn’t want to sleep with you. She doesn’t want to date you, and most likely she doesn’t need nor want to even see you again! Does that sound familiar?

Now, let’s run this scenario over again. Only this time we connect, we share ideas, emotions, and thoughts. This time you break away from the script, and actually have a genuine interest in her, and by that I don’t mean you sincerely like her boobs, although that does help. Emotions are exchanged whereby you experience and understand what it’s like to be her to some extent, and vice versa, all the while maintaining that sexual teasing, and playfulness. Do you understand the difference? Hello… can you feel me now?

We shouldn’t need a reference guide of neurological brain science to understand this. It’s just how our brains work. We want to be around people that are able to share their emotions with us in a healthy way, and people that make us feel good. We especially enjoy the company of those who are able to understand us, and experience our own emotions with us. We need something a little deeper than an initial feeling of attraction, which is actually pretty transient in the bigger scheme of things. We need something more substantial such as; comfort, friendship, trust, and understanding.

Shouldn’t she be thinking, “This guy gets me.. there’s something about him.. I felt like we’d known each for years… we had so much to talk about.. we..” She takes a breath, “We just had this chemistry.” She breathes out. I think she would remember you then. I know she would tell her friends about you, and when a girl talks about a guy in those terms her friends support her decisions.

Since the fairly recent discovery of Mirror Neurons in monkeys there has been much research into empathic neural circuitries. Studies have shown (now I sound like a commercial) that when observing another person’s emotional state that same emotion is activated within ourselves. There is a neural mechanism that maps what others are feeling onto our own nervous system. Read that last sentence again, it’s profound!

Now I’m just guessing here, but perhaps running game ‘at’ your ‘target’ past the first few minutes actually prevents this empathic communication from taking place. Which in turn limits your chances of getting to know each other, and reduces your chances of ever seeing each other again. Now that’s sad. Of course if you want women to think of you as false, shallow, manipulative, or insincere then by all means follow the path of the SADuser.

Are you a SADuser?

A glub monotone announcement bursts through the speaker system, “Attention to all the SADucers on this ride, we are arriving at your destination… please depart, taking all of your personal belongings with you… you have arrived… at FLAKE TOWN… population… YOU!”

I used to hate it when a girl flaked. I would meet a girl that I liked, get her number, and possibly even setup a bridge to see her again. I would go home thinking about her, and I would be happy that I met this cute girl. I might even be impressed with myself at how well everything went, how I did everything right, and how this girl now likes me! Then I would get all excited about seeing her, call her up, and…and… wait for it… and she wouldn’t be the same girl on the phone.

Her energy would be low, she sounded uninterested, she didn’t know who I was, and asked who was calling. Perhaps she would rush me off the phone because she was at work, or driving somewhere, or just plain busy, or was lost in a cave being hunted by wolves, and her phone was about to cut ou.. CLICK! Other times I would just get voicemail, and never hear back, even after I left too many messages, haha. How did I feel? Deflated.. Worthless.. Sad.

Somewhere along the way something clicked for me, and I discovered what makes girls flake, or more accurately what to do differently so that they rarely flake on me. In my situation I was generating attraction, and at the point in time when I met the girl she was really into me. However, we never really connected in comfort, or in ‘friendship’ after that.

Her initial interest would fade rapidly. In the brief time that would transpire from meeting me, to hearing from me again she would undoubtedly meet other guys that she was equally or more attracted to. Those guys may have been funnier, better looking, wealthier, had better game, or been more memorable for other reasons. What lost me those women was the lack of any kind of real and genuine connection.

So if you find that women are often flaking on you, then you might want to develop your ability to connect and build comfort with her, and you should be doing that right after the initial flirtatious attraction has taken place.

If you want me to go into detail on how to move things along in comfort, with specific examples then please post comments. If there is enough interest then I may elaborate on this topic.

In this article I hope that you have learnt to stop SADucing, and now realize that attraction takes place quickly, while comfort and friendship is a longer process that requires you to be a genuine human being. For many people becoming the type of man that women love being around is a process that takes time. To minimise girls flaking on you, she actually needs to get to know you on a deeper level, then she will feel compelled to see you again.

It takes time to get this stuff, but it is well worth it, and my philosophy on life is that anything of value takes effort, and most often persistence. If you enjoyed this article then please visit me at www.askjdog.com where I post free video lessons, and answer questions. Cheers.. JDOG!

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