Turn a women on by describing her peak feelings to her.

It has been almost 3 months since my last confession blog post, forgive me for I have sinned been distracted by life’s unpredictability. These past few months have been a difficult and trying time for everybody, in such the depressed and turbulent global economic environment that we find ourselves in. I’ve spent the better part of this time stopping the bleeding of my own finances, and making the decision that it is finally time for me to leave Arizona.

I discovered something today, and without wanting to sound new agey or anything like that, I’m just going to come out and say it. I found Flow. OK, so not my “One Thing” in life to pursue in order to reach complete happiness ala City Slickers LOL… no, but profound non the less.

It’s really a rediscovery that in one small moment you can go from being just ok, just emotionally normal or average, to being transported instantaneously to a place where you are at complete peace, completely content, and experiencing true blissful happiness. Hyper-focused in the moment. To go one step further I feel this should be an intrinsic experience where you are doing something, not where the outcome or good emotions are dependent upon someone else, or anything else for that matter. (Written before reading about Mihály Csíkszentmihályi’s State of Flow Componenets. Check that out for a deeper understanding of what I’m talking about.)

Experiencing this for yourself can totally allow you to be able to describe an incredible experience in a captivating way to anyone, which is especially beneficial when meeting and connecting with women. It can help you understand a girl’s emotions for example, when she is doing the things that she is most passionate about. Being able to describe another person’s experience can be extremely powerful in bringing the two of you closer together. Beyond all that though, it’s just plain good, and bloody necessary to have things you do in life that transport you to a meditation like state.

So how did this all come about I hear you thinking to yourselves. Well, for me it all started last night when I found myself on a rooftop club with complete strangers. We were all getting progressively more intoxicated just like old friends, and that lead to my hangover this morning.. and let me tell you something, you don’t want to wake up on a boat with a hangover!

Wait scratch that.. this story began sometime around a year ago, when I bought my first skateboard at the age of 35. It was odd because I’d never skated in my life, never thought it was cool, nor had I ever been interested in skateboarding in the least. That was until a year ago. I stumbled around on it for a while, and after an intense week of boarding around parking lots late at night I got what I can only describe as heel splints, kind of like shin splints only in my kicking heel. Then I wiped out on it gouging bloody holes into the palms of my hands. I got better at it, but really only skated to starbucks on the odd occasion.

Why did I start skateboarding at 35? I just wanted to. You see I have a tendency to buck the system, to do whatever I feel like doing, or at least learn about and try new things. I hate the idea of being limited by other people’s opinions.. or by my age, or any such other ridiculous things that have an annoying tendency to restrict our lives. Mutterings of “social programming” flutter across the room.

Skating around, wiping out, and getting my infamous ‘heel splints’ definitely lead to some wonderful interactions with women. From joking about me just getting my first board at 35, to asking them if there is such a thing as heel splints as an opener. It made for fun conversation. It was definitely a plus with younger women, and I always like to let younger girls know my age in a casual way early on. Thus it never weirds them out later.

More accurately though it’s a longboard, and when stood on it’s end comes up to my chest, so as longboards go it’s a pretty long longboard. Try saying that with a mouthful of cheerios. Arizona really isn’t that conducive to longboarding around town so it’s been sitting in my garage gathering dust for months now. That’s my excuse anyway. (JDOG shifts his eyes tellingly.. they dart to the ground)

This Trip Cost Me Nothing

OK so back to my story. On Thursday afternoon I was all packed for my California road trip, and just before leaving, I saw the longboard sitting there all forsaken. It just seemed so.. lonely, and I paused for a moment to remember the fond times we shared together. I said, “fuck it! You are coming with me!” I placed it on the passenger seat and we headed to San Diego.

Point to point the drive took me roughly 7 hours, and included 30 minutes driving through my first dust storm. Happily travelling 80 mph one minute, and then a second later having thick waves of sand slamming into your car aint fun, especially when another second later you realise that you can’t see ANYTHING.. no road.. no other cars.. no nothing. I actually felt a pang of panic hit my stomach knowing that at any moment I could be heading into some mangled pile up. Of course I slowed down, put on the fog lights and was fine.. but if you’ve never driven through a real dust storm on a highway it’s definitely an experience.

Whenever I arrive in San Diego I feel good. Having left 100 degree Arizona heat behind, I welcomed the cooler air, and continued to the marina to my friend’s boat. Yes sir I’m staying on a 47ft motor yacht for the next few days before heading up to LA. How cool is that!

Yesterday afternoon we were having a beer on my friend’s neighbor’s yacht, which seems like the daily activity around here. His 20 year old daughter was with us (grin), and invited me to join her friends on the town. They turned out to be a totally cool bunch that took me from dive corner bar to rooftop club, overlooking the baseball stadium. Once in the club though I joined another group of complete strangers, who I closed out the place with. Very fun and unexpected night on the town. My new best friend became the actress Michelle Ewin.

Flash forward back to this morning. “Uugghh.. I feel like crap.. and why is the room moving up and down.. shit I’m on a boat with a hangover.. I hate hangovers.. and right now boats are not on my favorite list.. uuuggghhh.” A glass of water, 2 advil, a shower, and a queazy skateboard ride to starbucks.. some phone calls.. coffee.. a pastry.. and ok feeling better now.

Since arriving at the marina I’ve been skateboarding all over the place. The long boardwalk makes it the perfect place. This morning was different. I put on my noise isolating headphones, selected a playlist from my iphone, and started skating. All of a sudden I was in my own personal sound bubble, and was literally gliding. I think I left earth for a minute.. on a figgin skateboard. I carved back and forth, whizzing past people walking around on their two legs.. how old school is that.. ha!

“Sometime Around Midnight,” by The Airborne Toxic Event

I was in the zone. I had no care for anything else going on in the world. I was 100% immersed in the moment. I think that I might have actually been kind of dance-boarding to the music. Is that even a term? Not a flattering visual perhaps, but I had absolutely no feelings of self-consciousness. It was really like being on some kind of drug, only better. So this is Flow. I guess it’s been a while. How long has it been for you? Perhaps it’s time for you to find your one thing that transports you to your own state of flow.

This reminds me of a guy I met a few weeks ago at a new skatepark in Tucson, Arizona. He was a short middle-aged fellow, who was sporting some heavy duty pads, and a helmet. He skated a pretty scary 15ft bowl. Only the old timers dare skate that thing, all of whom wore pads. You literally got butterflies in your stomach just standing on the edge looking down, let alone skating it at speed whilst getting air off the coping.

We spoke to him afterwards, and asked him what it was like. “It’s like heaven,” he said. “It’s heaven,” he repeated. I joked to my friend, “Wow.. I wish I did something that feels like heaven.” Well he was really describing being in the zone. It’s a universal experience. Recognize it, do it, and try explaining it to someone else. Then ask her what she does that transports her to this place.

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Are you an animal lover?

What follows is just some curiosity, and thoughts that I have in my head. My conversational topics usually start with such a foundation. Do you want to know what to start a conversation with? Do you want to know what to talk about? ..and do you want to know this without using canned “material” from someone else’s contrived repertoire?

Yes, then here’s an example. It’s just current things I’ve experienced, or seen this past week, and therefore I’m talking about it with people. Is it high octane high energy opening material for a loud night club? Not in and of itself, but if your personal energy is at the right level, and you interact with people in a captivating way using such things as; teasing, social control, and describing your thoughts or stories with passion in an animated manner, then yes it can be. Delivery is everything! This type of casual conversation is also ideal for day time settings.

If you are stuck for an opener, and a conversation right now, then by all means try this out verbatim as an example. Note though that it’s untested and unrefined, as I was just thinking about this today. I have no real world responses to encourage you with this time. From past experience though I’m sure it will be fine. Women love talking about pets, and many of the girls I meet are animal lovers and pet owners. Then of course conversations about babies are very woman centric lol.

The Openers

• “Are you an animal lover..or an animal hater?” (point to target.. “Oh she’s definitely an animal hater isn’t she.”)
• “Do you think that spending $2,500 on a pure bred dog is wrong, when you can adopt one?”
• “Adoption verses buying a pet?”
• “What do you think about parents who are choosing their child’s sex, and eye color?”
• “Did you know that people are choosing their baby’s eye color and sex now?.. what do you think about that?”

The Post-Opener Story
I was chatting to a couple of random strangers outside my regular caffeine watering hole 2 days ago. One had this absolutely beautiful pit-bull pup, who was totally friendly and seemed to like licking my arm for some reason. I love pit-bulls, and would get one if my lifestyle were conduce to taking care of one. I’ve only ever seen two dogs like this one. The other was on Melrose in West Hollywood. An adult dog, huge head, and strong masculine stance, silky grey coat, with a thick choker around it’s neck. It’s owner was a ripped bodybuilder who was wearing a tank. A well suited duo indeed.

Ok back to the random strangers.. The other chap in the conversation was on one of those small stunt bicycles. He had recently left the navy, and was looking for a job. He asked the dog owner how much he paid for his dog, as apparently he had a family member who breeds them. The answer was $2,500. My first instinct was like woah.. that’s way too much to spend buying a dog, especially when there are so many that need a home. You can adopt for free. Not to mention that it just seemed so extravagant next to the jobless guy, who by the looks of him could barely afford food.

Just so you know, I own two cats. I adopted them when they were 12 week old kittens. They are cute, adorable, and I love them. Am I a cat person rather than a dog person? Not necessarily, but with traveling and my semi-nomadic life cats seem easier to take care of. Although they can be a challenge. I’m going to have them for a long time, which I probably didn’t realize in it’s entirety when adopting them. So back to the dog. A dog can be a life companion, who will be with you for a significant part of your life. Is it that wrong to pay for the exact breed and characteristics you want? Perhaps not, but dogs are sent to the pound because there aren’t enough owners for them, and some say that dog breeders only add to the problem.

While doing cardio in the gym the other night I saw a segment on the news about a couple of proud parents, who just had two baby boys. Apparently they went to a clinic in California which utilized some nifty genetic manipulation, thereby ensuring their babies were both boys! Yes, you heard me correctly.. there are some parents out there right now who are choosing their baby’s eye color, and sex! So what’s a few dollars in comparison to purchase the dog you want? I’m still not sure where I stand on either of these issues.. but I do know that it can make for some interesting, and perhaps heated conversations.

I know several people who have family members that suffer from mental illness. It often ruins those families, literally some suffer financial ruin, and often dealing with those types of people also strips the “loved ones” of their emotional and physical well being. Consider being able to genetically guarantee that would never happen. Would you choose playing god over spending the rest of your life in distress. ..and if so then.. does that change your stance on the dog issue?

Points To Consider About Your Delivery
Remember with this type of unscripted conversation you have to move things along with flirtatious and sexual tones. At the same time it’s important to conveying positive, and attractive traits throughout your interaction. Such as; confidence, being the social leader, masculine sexuality, preselection by other women, etc.

I would also avoid talking about anything that might make someone feel bad, or reflect on negative issues. Therefore, I would leave out any discussion about mental illness, and keep it more lighthearted and upbeat. Later on in comfort I certainly talk about life, and any and all difficult issues within it. Being able to be more serious at the right time is also important in sharing your depth of character with another person. Emotional sharing is a good thing, and powerful when timed right. That is very different from being a negative person. Dwelling on upsetting or negative topics will only serve to push others away. Nobody wants to be around someone that makes them feel bad emotions.

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You don't have to be this adventurous!

When I teach a seminar I will ask the audience what they do on a monthly basis that other people may find interesting, and preferably something they feel passionate about. Exploring your passions, and developing them into real hobbies can have an exponentially beneficial effect on your love life.

We tend to talk with more enthusiasm about things that we are passionate about. Emotions are contagious, and those good feelings will spread to the person you are talking to. They will find you more captivating and interesting from that emotional exchange alone. Passionate talkers are often charismatic conversationalists.

Women are profoundly attracted to men that can talk with passion, conviction, and enthusiasm. If you are asking the question, “How can I talk more passionately?” The best answer is to actually be passionate about what you are talking about. Make sense?

We all have busy lives, so just how can we put this living with passion concept into effect? The absolutely easiest way is to read. Yes, reading about something that you find fascinating is perfect. I find that I am always learning, and much of my reading these days is done online because of the instant access to information. Continually learning is very important to me. In “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People,” Steven Covey calls this “Sharpening The Blade,” the 7th habit.. if you haven’t read the book I ‘highly’ recommend it.. oh and sorry for spoiling the ending :-D

I find so many things fascinating, and everyday I spend a couple of hours learning something new online. I’ve spent time reading about such topics as; skateboarding, motorcyles, finance, politics, and most recently what would appear to be the very boring subject of RSS Feeds. Haha well I did choose to study engineering in university.

Now you would think that telling a girl that RSS stands for Really Simple Syndication would completely bore her. Women like, want, and are attracted to intelligent men, just not boring men. It is always possible to talk about seemingly mundane topics in a captivating and attractive way. This is doubly true if you talk with passion for the subject. It does go without saying though that women will find certain topics of conversation more interesting than others. I would definitely not recommend talking about RSS Feeds as a tactic to meet women.. LOL.

I used to open girls by asking if they could program in PHP as I needed help working on my website, and then I’d tell them I was such a nerd. Actually this worked really well for me because my fashion style was cooler than the average guy, and I came across in a confident and flirtatious way. So the nerd talk complimented those qualities to add depth, and create intrigue.

By no means am I suggesting that you talk about such things. I’m simply demonstrating from my own experience how even those topics can work in your favour. Women will undoubtedly be more interested if the conversation were about something more exciting, such as your recent wake boarding experience.

From the meeting women persecutive it is far more advantageous to actually get involved and do something that you are passionate about. Yes, we are men, and it can be said that our motivation for everything we do in life is connected to our desire for women. You should pursue your passions though primarily for you.

Here is a selection of several ways that I have indulged in my interests and passions. Some are ongoing, and others were one off experiences:

Few of us can honestly get away with the excuse that there is just no time. Even with a busy work schedule we can usually find ways to make time. Watching less television springs to mind. 

Certain things interest me personally that may be of little interest to you. We are all individuals. Take a moment to think about something that you always wanted to do, learn, or perhaps something that gets you excited at the thought of doing it. Next think about what ways you can explore that opportunity. Write it down.. make an action list. Keep it simple this should only take you about 10 minutes. Then set a firm start date.. hint.. this week would be perfect. Start this evening and you are definitely a man of action!

What about if you meet a girl before you’ve taking any action? You can still talk about your plans in an excited and enthusiastic way. This can be equally compelling and attractive. The potential pitfall is mis-calibrating her level of interest. So don’t get carried away.

Keep her involved in the conversation, simple is better than complicated, and tap into universal experiences and emotions. A universal experience is something that everyone can relate to, because it is common enough that they have experienced it themselves. It can be the act of doing something, or just feeling a specific emotion, like the butterflies in your stomach on a roller coaster.

When a woman meets me she doesn’t meet a guy that’s running game on her. She meets someone that is interesting who talks with passion, that also happens to have good game. Don’t make the mistake of letting the seduction arts define you.

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Getting to know each other

Without hesitation I would have to say that the most common question I’m asked when out and about is, “Can you just give me one tip.. one quick piece of advice on what to say?” In answer to this I have decided to give you not one but 10 quick tips! 

However, these aren’t openers and they’re not lines, and no they are not routines either.  Rather they provide some practical insight into connecting on a deeper level, thus keeping in the same vein as my last article (see “Losing my connection.. can you feel me now?”) 

Consider this as the foundation for ensuring that women will never flake on you again! You may recall that my comfort game is extremely strong, but it hasn’t always been that way for me. It’s something that I really had to work on. It’s something that improved as I matured emotionally, aided by my personal life experiences, and evolved through spending lots of time with women.

From now on when in comfort (after the initial attraction) and your mind goes blank on what to talk about, just remember the following 10 points:

1. When lost for words use Conversational Themes, such as talking about; Travel, The Government, The Economy, Music, Art, Books, Hobbies, Yours and Her Passions, Your Likes and Dislikes, or your Pet Peeves.

These are some topics that I actually like discussing. The key is to keep things interesting, and to keep the emotions engaged, while actually getting to know each other.

2. Talking with Passion, and being comfortable with your own self-expression. Women are extremely attracted to passionate men, who are comfortable expressing their feelings, views and thoughts on important issues, or on topics that have strong meaning for themselves. The key is to involve her, and not rant too much.

3. Demonstrate your Intelligence! I enjoy talking about complex issues that most people wouldn’t discuss on a first date. I talk about; politics, the government, economics, big pharma, engineering, and I vocalize my pet peeves.

Women love intelligent men, but they get turned off by boring men! The key is to keep things interesting, evoke her emotions, and keep it brief.

When a girl feels that she has learnt something about a complex issue, and that you reduced it down to a concept that she could understand without oversimplifying it, she feels more intelligent, she reveres you, and she feels connected. She will want to know you more.

4. Recognize and encourage the observation of Commonalities between you. These should be a big part of why you actually like her! Stop already with the, “No way, you like Pearl Jam, I love Pearl Jam.. high five!” Little superficial rapport builders like that can be fun and playful in the attraction phase, but later on it’s not enough. Guys that use such statements during comfort come off as transparent, insincere, untrustworthy, and just not real.

For example, I may be talking about travel when she chimes in and tells me about getting lost in Europe, and I tell her how we lost our car in Vegas when I was 17 and spent 3 hours in a cab combing the city for it.

Or, she talks about her favourite band, and the feeling she gets when watching them play live, and I tell her about my first concert that I snuck into, and how I’d never seen so many people in one place… and they were all unified, united… together in this moment.. it was amazing! (Hey a little NLP helps.. JDOG looks around mischievously.)

5. Understanding Her. This is where you must get out of your own head, and actually notice her. Notice when her eyes kind of sparkle and she gets excited about telling you something, or conversely when a subject makes her distant or melancholy.

Tell her something about herself that most people overlook. Find things to appreciate about her other than her big babalons, and let her know that it’s those qualities that you find so attractive about her. 

6. If you expect that a virtual stranger will instantly open up to you, then you are mistaken. That’s why Sharing and Going First is important. When you open up about something that has deeper meaning for you, whether happy or deeper sad emotions, she will to some extent experience those emotions with you. Remember those mirror neurons? She will feel connected to you, and she may then want to share something from her life, no doubt some of her deeper emotions.

7. Branching from topic to topic. You know when you are just hanging out with a bunch of guy friends, one conversation morphs into 5 different conversations as each of you chime in, sharing your thoughts and experiences. Be that comfortable here, as it’s better to talk about 20 seemingly unrelated topics than staying on 1 subject for an hour.

Afterwards you can always say, “Whoa, how did we start talking about this?” Then you can even backtrack the conversation, or just comment on how interesting she is.

8. Cut Negative and Boring Threads. Recognise when the conversation starts becoming too heavy, or boring, and change the subject. It is not necessary for the transition to make logical sense, just start talking about something completely different.

This can be done as simply as saying something like, “That reminds me I read this article about…” or “I was driving yesterday when such and such happened..” or “Hey get this..”

9. Call Backs. This is done frequently in comedy, where it is referred to as call back humour. For instance, if you gave her the nickname “little pirate” 5 minutes after you met her, then you can call her that 30 minutes later, “look little pirate.. blah.. blah..” Alternatively, you can do this in a serious manner by later referencing something she said.

Remember what I told you about the necessity of understanding her (see above,) well 5 or 10 minutes after she says something that is important to her bring it up again. That really shows you were listening, and were taking notice of her. For example, “You know when you were talking about music earlier.. it just seemed like it’s one of the most important parts of your life.”

10. Remember to maintain the sexual tension, and move things along. Use call back humour to teaser her a little, smell her neck, and tell her how great she smells, hold her hand, and let her play with your fingers.

Oh, and if she does play with your fingers you most likely can kiss her. If so, kiss her, and enjoy it but hold off on groping or getting too sexual too quickly, especially if you are still in the location where you met each other. Oh, and now’s the time to say, “Ya really turn me on wiv ya big babalons.” (Grin.)

Early on I was premeditated in the comfort phase, I was coming from a place of scarcity and insecurity with women, and was just trying to figure out what I was doing wrong. I experimented to attain an understanding of what worked. Sound familiar? Now, it’s just who I am, and now there is this natural flow of getting to know one another, albeit in a sexually excited way.

Developing your ability to genuinely connect with women will certainly put you ahead of the pack, and as I’ve stated before when a guy can connect on this level women feel compelled to see you again, and again, and.. well you get the picture.

If you like this breakdown then I would love to see your comments! You may also wish to visit my website www.askjdog.com where I post free video lessons, and answer questions. Cheers.. JDOG!

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