Protected: How To Stop Approach Anxiety

I will try this method, however I don't feel this is going to help me (I do know I shouldn't think that way).
Probably because I'm just unique and had lots of bad experience with girls in my past.

Anyway, I see this method really helped some people and I'm glad you helped us Justin (and still do). Once again, thanks :-)

Greetings from UK,
~Keth

Grazie Justin!

I really like your style...

greetings from italy!

Thanks, but I did try that already, it goes down for a little bit but as soon as I am about to talk it happens again, despite me having those great feelings right before I approach her. Oh well, for what its worth thanks anyways.

Dont be at the mercy of your unconcius feelings and thoughts. You should be able to think what you want:)

Peace man, tell me if we need to get into more detail

Before you talk to her or approach her you could think to your self "She will probably start flirting with me".It will produce a good feeling like what Riley Dayne talked about. You should act from that good positive feeling, it will feel inspiring which will make you move.If you feel any negativity dont make a move. thought+emotion=feeling .

What you can also do is practice feeling the emotion of what it will feel like if she starts flirting with you.Hold that feeling and emotion for 30 seconds and it will multiply.It does take practice.You will then be able to make that feeling at will.Try 4 15min session in a 2 day period.

When approaching re-assure your self that u are doing this because she is most likely to flirt with you.Dont act from lack of fullfillment.

You will want to do a quick visualize for 60 secs before you approach a target(just the first 2 or 3 girls)And the feeling will come, then act.Then after the first 3 good conversations(positive reinforcement)you should have it in lock.

*Remember that the way you feel controls your breathing, posture, facial expressions, tone of voice, and heart rate.If you deliberatly produce a good feeling thought(or visualization), you will engrave it in your sub-concious mind which will take over and become your predominate actions, thoughts, and feelings.

Hey, great technique, unfortunately I tried it, and it did not work! I took the steps you mentioned I wrote it down, and I still felt approach anxiety, and I was not able to approach! So I tried really hard to do the steps including a deep form of NLP and self hypnosis, but it still didn't work! I have tried every thing, from self hypnosis, three second rule and all of those things don't work for me. Does anyone have any ideas!?

Hey Chris,

Thats too bad it didn't work for you right off the bat, Heres what I would suggest...

When you're going through your mental routine "she likes me, she wants to grab my ass etc..." don't just say the words in your head, but really feel the emotions that go along with with them, feel the excitment and joy you'll get when she flirts with you (before she's even flirted with you)

After I started doing it that my AA went down even more than when I was just saying the words.

Its worth a try...and good luck man.

Riley Dayne
P.S. Don't try to cure all of your AA right away, just try to go a little at a time, step by step...I don't think any of us will get rid of AA altogether, but I'm sure you'll be able to hinder it with J-dogs technique...keep trying I'm sure you'll get it.

It's never too late, or in my case too early - to be whoever you want to be. You can change, or stay the same. In my case it is change that flows through my veins. We can make the best or the worst of it.

I am making the best of JDOGS advice: it gets you into a state of mind where nothing is impossible! Every time I hesitate about approaching a girl I always ask myself "What's the worst that could happen?". Visualizing the moment of the approach in a positive way gives you such a good feeling, it's hilarious to think "Hey that girl is gonna grab my ass!" And it might just happen!

But I'm getting too philosophical! I'll better talk about the experience I had today:

So I'm at my Calculus class, here's the deal: a gorgeous girl has been seating at my side for almost a week ( I just began classes), and I never had the balls to even say hi until today! I made my approach my doing some magic for her. It works great, everyone should know a little about magic! And of course I was nervous and sweaty but somehow I just forgot about it. Next thing I know, some of our classmates start getting curious about the magic tricks and it works to my advantage! The girl got more into me, as if doing magic became a DHV! I made her laugh and we enjoyed the rest of the class. But I got a surprise after talking to her! She's actually very very shy! I've never been in a situation where a gorgeous girl is shy haha, So, now its kinda of a challenge for me... and all this started because of 20 minutes I took to listen to something that enriched my life.

Thank you JDOG! You've made me realize that our lives are defined by opportunities and we have to make the best of them!

Have a great day everyone!!!

Good Audio... I like the thought of .. she is going to find me so attractive and grab my ass... it is a nice picture :) not only good belief to have in mind to replace all the negative restricting ones, but also funny, so hopefully is going to put me in a light mood not taking the whole thing too seriously (which I generally do). So definitely going to try this...

The amazing thing with me is, something that has happened many times... I see a beautiful girl, she is stunning, she looks at me, gives me fantastic eye contact, I hold the eye contact. I mean what more IOI can a woman give. it is a closed deal. But what do I do ... I start analysing, and thinking ok let's wait a bit, I am going to play cool and wait for the right time. Or I think ohh shit not sure what to say if I approach... and then I kick myself for a few days missing such an opportunity.

OK, so definitely next time the soon this happens I am going to tell myself the right stuff and see what happens.

cheers
Dynamo

WAHHBAMMMM! (*Jdog Drops mother-load of information on Riley’s head*)

Just turned 18 and that was the best present eva….That was the shit J-dog, I’ve always been a strong believer in belief proceeds reality, but you put it in a way that can tangibly change my game and outlook on women altogether….wicked man.

Here’s how mine went:

(Although I don’t get approach anxiety all the time, when the woman is really hot, it goes something like this…)

FIRST THOUGHTS:
• Damn Son….She’s Scorchin Hot…..don’t get a boner (jk)
• Omg, omg, what should I do… look cool, damn it Riley look cool, do something alpha…WTF Riley you’re not being cool.
• F*ck it, look at something else, pretend that CD is cool, lift it up, look at the back (wtf, I hate Britney spears, why am I reading the song list)…oh she’s gone, thank god that’s over.

EMOTIONS:
• Omg, omg, omg (don’t know if that counts as an emotion, but It feels something like that)
• Panic , nervousness
• Less than, not good enough (she would never like me anyway)

Body:
• Heart rate goes up
• Turn my body inward (almost like I’m scared of her)
• Physically feel myself stiffen up (not down there…get ur mind outta the gutter).

MY NEW BELIEFS:
She wants me, she wants to flirt with me, she probably wants grab my ass…
(it differs from time to time…but very similar, I always use the ass one, because it makes me laugh internally and gets me in a good mood before approaching) I basically try to set it up in my mind so she’s the one that wants me…and not vice versa.

How I implemented my new found mental programming:

Instead of spending the day with my mother shaving our cats Phenious Maximums and Bodhi McMardigan (those really are they’re names)….

I made a hair cut appointment, even though I didn’t need a hair cut…outrageous, I know!

However there just so happens to be a Wiley Temptress that works in there, that I’ve been meaning to approach for weeks, however every time I go to deliver my well though-out, witty statement….(my mental bullshit kicks in) and It quickly devolves to me asking her if I should go with “Herbal essences… or Patine ProV”…getting my response then walking away shyly, thinking “f*ck, f*ck, f*ck,” pardon mon francais (three years of French class and that’s what It’ll get yah)

So I listened to Some Metallica to get me pumped up and ready to go on the drive down (okay fine it was lady GaGa- Just dance...what ev)

And then ran my new mental programming…and cha ching…things went great, I actually said what I wanted to say and acted how I wanted to act, my old negative emotions were NON-existent.

(It’s amazing how mentally changing the dynamics of the situation can REALLY affect its literal outcome)

Although I didn’t number close, the hair cut only lasted 15 min ( I didn’t think I had built of enough chemistry yet), I booked a second appointment to get my hair coloured, so the next time I go in there, it’ll be game on from the get go…cant wait!!! ;-)

Once again, thanks a million,

Riley Dayne

Gave this a try, so here's my report back:
I was thinking this AAA-method over while running in the gym. I figured its about entering a state of positive thought and seeing how this can change the outcome of a conversation. So I figured, why not try it right now, while I'm running. What a weird place to start I know, but when I'm running I sometimes find myself thinking about the strangest things and before I know it another couple of minutes on the treadmill have passed :) Anyway, while I was running I was "thinking-out-loud" the following things:

"Ok, you are the absolute running-king on the threadmill."
"There is absolutely no one in this gym that will look more natural and cool running here than you."
I visualized everybody was looking at me as this guy running there, not giving a shit about anybody else in the gym, just right there in the moment, concentrated on doing his thing. I pictured that other people would maybe also want to be able to run like that and be inspired to push up the speed of their workout as they were watching.

So this did a couple of things for me:
First of all, I felt pretty good. I was actually owning the treadmill (take that you machine!) and thinking like this really helped me to push my workout. I straightened my posture while running, straighter back, relaxed arms, long stride .. trying to also look like I can handle this fast pace without (too much) sweat. Actually the realization I was doing this came afterwards. So I finish the run and go for a short stop and drink at the counter.

Next thing I know, one of the girls who works there gives me a complement on my performance. She was saying something like "I always see you really putting in an effort ...". Now I wasn't expecting this, so I wasn't all that witty replying. "Uh, yeah you think? Thanks!" But here are a couple of quick thoughts about what happened.

a) She could have said nothing, but she did anyway, which is good .. so why now? I have been there before many times, pushing hard.
b) She gave a complement, nice
c) She mentioned how she always noticed me. Always? ... hmm nice.

The thing is, I have noticed this girl the first time I saw her there.
My first thoughts, "Nice .. I like you. Take me home and ..." You get the picture. But I couldn't figure out how to start a talk with her without coming of as needy. Now I always felt she was kind of interested in me as well, from the way she would greet me or say bye, but nothing concrete. So now after visualizing suddenly I have contact. I like that. Now, I'm not sure if it really qa because of that but I'm definately going to try this some more :) You now .. being scientific about it.

So finally when I exited the gym, I vowed I would at least thank her for the extra motivation, to make up for my unwittyness. And I did! Getting a giggle in return... To be continued?

I got more realization (or an ah! moment) when you said to pay attention to how it makes you breath, heart rate and so on.Today inside the bus I applied your 20min audio and it worked perfectly. Basically I saw this cute girl sit down and my first thought was "She will just give me yes or no answers and quickly go back to her music"and"I cant do that".So I realized that if I approached her with those thoughts she would sense it.So I changed it to " she will probably want to talk more to me".I quickly visualized her smiling at me.

And the converstation turned out great. I straight out asked her if she was an artist, we talked about art, school, music.We ended up having a lot in common. But she ended up getting my number.

But that whole thing worked out better than I expected.She was smiling and everything:) The part where I started to talk to her first came naturally. It was like I knew exactly what to say(becuase of the reprograming of course).

Man J-Dog, You really helped alot. I feel way better:)

Thanks

My "AHA!" moment came when you mentioned the guy you were working with who approached girls and was a real "bastard" to them because of the way how he preconceived the interactions would go.

Why? because recently I have had a string of bad luck with my approaches and about a week ago a woman called me on it, she flat out told me "You are very condescending". My wing stepped in and saved my tail by pulling her aside and telling her "what a bad I was having" and she immediately softened up. We ended up with an invite to head back to her place with her and her friends. Until I listened to your recording however it never occurred to me that the way I preconceived the interaction would go would have such a big impact on how I react to or treat others.

The outcome? I have challenged myself to imagine the best outcome possible before going into situations and interactions with others (in any situation, not just when approaching women). So far the results have been very good, people open up a lot faster and interaction flows a lot more smoothly.

Thanks Justin!

Believe it or not my breaking through ever experience is when i hit an office lady, she is a consultant

and our age differences probably 3-5 years but who cares.....

the adrenalin is pumping my head and my heart.... she is an exotic office lady

At first, she told me that i am really handsome , so I a used smooth talk. then to a comfort level

by the time i seen no one in her office ( because her office wall is made out of see-through mirror where you can see left and right worker)

hahahahahahahahah I use kino escalation... LOL


it does work

AT FIRST she give me her hand but she asking me what is the advantage or usefulness of this kino?

i just say = its for testing you how sensitive are you to feel someone aura or presence .....LOL
( bullshit-ing about kino ,..... sorry mystery..... i forgot the definition )

( i actually never ever thought this shit question would appear... damn it ... what a smart question )

in the end she laugh and she said to me you made my day


.... but shit i got nervous when i did KINO so my hand is shaking moreover i am hungry ( bad time ) which is really adding an uncontrollable shake on my hand ( you know that when you are really hungry usually your hand is shaking, sweating ... and etc)

so the kino was only smooth until that part ... in the she realize that i am trying to pickup her
and so she decided to end a meeting with me ... T_T

but frankly she is the one who seduce me first w/ her body language and her strong lust eye contact

( never tell your client handsome right??? especially when you talk with certain type of seducing tone voice )

... in the end i break the rule by lowering myself T_T and im the one that looks like jerk LOL



does it pretty simple to get free coaching?? hehe..

Hey everyone,

I just finished the audio exercise. Thanks J!
Reflect back - I just saw this georgeous redhead, freckles lookin nice.
!st thought: My oh my, I want a piece of that pie!
So I am realy feeling like I want get close to her. My heart rate is up, posture changes
@nd thought: She's not going to be that into me, I can't intrude on her.
WHAT?!
Thinking back and I realize:
STRESS REACTION Fight or Flight
I am talking my way out of it as a way to run.
So no more!I am a man who can hoestly look at where I am and take action to change my life.

Plan of action:
start and end the day with a 3 minite visualization where I rewrite a interaction with a positive 2nd thought and outcome.
1st 1/2 day Socialself - just talking with no agenda.
2nd 1/2 approaches with new thought patterns.
Reflect and rewrite.
Best to everyone else on the path to greatness!
Peace - Ecent

Oh yeah and last night While I was asking for a girls number A thought creeped into my head before I asked her like: "She might get creeped out becuase she barely knows me". But I had distinguished that thought with"Know that she would love to hang out with you".

Some good ones:"I like how girls approach me" "She probably wants me to start a conversation" "She looks like she can have a good conversation if I just say hi" "she will probably want to talk to me by saying hi"
These are good things to imprint into your mind.Some of the key traits to becoming a chick magnet.I read that a Mpua can get a girl just by looking at her, or that matador made out with two 10s in 1 or 3 minutes. Peace

Jarl robert had 2 good ones to.

I hope this is where I leave the comment. This puts everything in place now, because when I was in middle school I had no chance what so ever.When I got to high school I observed guys that had bomb girlfriends, and the guys acted like the girl was rightfully theirs(or with confidence).Or the other guys(when talkig to girls) acted like they knew what was goin on, not trying to hit on the girls, and the hot girls would smile and laugh and react positivly.While the guys that obviously thought negative(which was also me at times to) had no chance, were ignored, got disgusted looks, and so on.

When I also changed the way I dressed(greaser/vintage), and I was acting regular in public becuase I had a new start with people.Out of no where I started getting girls to look at me more, and have their friends talk to me.Comments like crazy. Since I was less resistant and more focused on being relaxed my uniqueness(greaser/vintage)did the work for me.Basically I had good dress, and that came from how I thought and that also got me results.

Basically I realized it was all about how I thought!Your right about what you said about how it affects ur breathing, thats what the law of attraction kinda goes into to.When you feel happy about the thing as already in your life your breathing, thinking, feeling,and actions change.Then you vibrate on the same level as a sexy women you visualize about.Ex:feeling poor is not vibrating(or being receptive)on the same level as being rich so u will never find a way to be rich by feeling poor(except by chance).

So in physics their is a term called the observer effect. Their was a team of two physisist(A while back)That argued particles vs. waves.So one team argued particles and the other argued waves.The waves team told the told the particles team to look for waves and the waves team did vice versa.So as they looked deeper they both found the opposing item.

So basically J-Dog reinforces my knowledge, I just had no idea how crucial everything J-Dog said in the audio was. I never thought of it that way. I really apreciate Everything J-Dog, I am sure I can learn alot more from you.

Last night when I went out to a bar to hang out with some friends, there came in 3 girls and 1 guy when it has been dead all night. 1 of them was hot. My thought was "Damn! She's Hot!" Then I looked at the guy and said, "I wonder if that is he's girlfriend." So I started thinking what would be my opener would be. Trying to remember each phases while trying to figure out if she's taken by this guy or not. Then I was thinking about how I should approach them.

Finally the opportunity came when they were invited to sit closer. The guy was next to me. So I gave respect to the guy and Opened with, "What's that movie with . . . ?" which was part of me and my friends conversation anyway. Introduced myself. My target girl looked over and ask them the "Guy-Girl kissing another girl Opener." Then introduce myself. Openers were great and my friend preoccupied the guy which gave me a chance to talk to the girls.

One thing I forgot was "the Neg." Long story short, I was thinking of what I was going to do next, but haven't practiced enough to where I had the micro-calibration to act at the moment. I had successes before but don't go out that often.

This is really good J-Dog. Thanks! I will work on it on my next approach.

Working through the exercise made me understand that my thought was disappointment knowing that she wont like me. Thanks for sharing this. I do not even approach because I already know she will reject me. No wonder I have been so afraid of just starting a conversation. My new belief is that people enjoy talking to me. This morning I removed my outcome and asked a girl where I work how to spell phenomenon. I told her I had heard it on the radio this morning and now it was in my head. She was thinking about it and I said its alright I wont tell anyone you cant spell either. She laughed, and I said I had to get to work. I did not try to get her number, but it gave me a happy start to my day. Thanks again.

Good stuff J-Dog. Approach anixiety is the cryptonite to my game. It stops me right in my tracks and I shut myself down. I have openers and can keep a convorsation going, but I never got a tip on how to conquer approach anixety other than to jus throw myself into sets witch scares the s@#t outta me. I'll try this thought process. Thanks

I really have to say Justin, after listening to your audio yesterday and doing the exercise I experienced a powerful "Aha" moment which really seems to have removed a lot of the fear that I'd kept inside regarding approaching women. That same day on my way to the store I had a newfound curiosity and to my surprise approached ten lovely women just because I felt like it, and without any of the old thoughts and fears hanging around. To me that was a massive breakthrough!

When I first started with the exercise and wrote down my three initial thoughts when a beautiful woman passed me in a shopping mall some time ago; they all seemed perfectly normal to me. I continued to listen and go on with the exercise but then I looked down at what I'd written only ten seconds earlier, and had my "Aha" moment.

My three initial thoughts were: 1) "Damn she's hot!", 2) "I can't stop her and talk to her" and 3) "she's disappearing from my life!". It might have been because I have never sat down and relived my thoughts like this before, but I was truly horrified to find that my own thoughts were working against me like this. The last two thoughts aren't very constructive considering that my motive actually IS stopping and talking to her. There's a well known exercise in NLP where you make a pact with your subconscious self, in which you both are obliged to consider different ways in getting what you both want, and at this moment it was as if we both stopped and went: "Thats not helping either of us!". Later in the exercise you are to try thinking different thoughts when reliving the scenario, and me and my subconsciousness sat down reliving the situation only thinking thoughts like "if I stop her, she's likely to begin flirting with me" and "if I stop her, she will have the day of her life". Nice (Im actually smiling as I write this :)!

I just want to say thank you Justin for producing this excellent exercise free of charge, and for helping me and others being more aware of ourselves and finding way's of how we can change for the better.

Unfortunately I have no time to listen to this online, and I found no way to download it. It would be great if, as with the previous audio clip, we could download it.

Thanks in advance!!!

Thanks for pointing that out GAL.. I just added the link.. forgot to include it when I wrote the post.

Thanks for the tip. Very useful. My problem with approach anxiety is that i either wait too much and look scared/confused when i approach a girl after staring at her for 20 minutes. Or I just get drunk and randomly make an ass of myself. I don't even want to consider that maybe I wasn't born for this, that I am meant to meet someone and be with that sole person the rest of my life. That's what I've turned into, a serial monogamist, and it scares the hell out of me. I don't want to stay in a relationship just because I'm scared of being alone. I want to live up to that potential of being with the women I want to be with. I really appreciate all the tips you give out in your page. I try to follow them, it really helps.

Thanks, sounds like an interesting thing to try!
I've been trying to start up some conversations and found myself exactly in that point .. trying to make excuses for not approaching. Couple of minutes before thinking about approaching I'm teaching my friend openers, etc .. then when I had to go over, mind goes blank. Sound familiar? Anyways, I'll report if this was helpful :)