This article was in response to several posts made on www.arizonapua.com/forum from a guy who was having issues with his self image.
but i do go out there and game. girls look at me like im a freak and walk away or give me the hand or roll their eyes…..EVERY FUCKING TIME!!!! and im at penn state U…one of the biggest pussy schools on the planet for 3 years and still havent gotten shit, not even a kiss, and i go out every weekend. so all im sayin is im hideous and to continue trying to use game is fucking pointless. thank you.
Yes, looks are important I agree, but in my opinion from what you have posted [edit: and the pictures he had online] there is 0% correlation between your looks and the responses (you personally) are getting.
PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS INDIVIDUAL POSTED MANY MESSAGES TO MY ARIZONAPUA MESSAGE BOARD, AND THERE WAS A DEFINITE PATTERN IN HIS BEHAVIOUR, AND BELIEFS THAT MADE ME REACH SUCH A CONCLUSION ABOUT HIM.
He also stated that his self image was justified based upon the responses he was receiving from online match and rating websites, like hotornot.
He failed to realise that the whole way in which he was communicating was making him appear rather unattractive to women.. and that negative feedback he was receiving had NOTHING to do with his actual physical looks.
Unfortunately, like so many of us, he would take the cold responses from women and apply it to his already negative self image. Such psychological processes of negative reinforcement are actually very damaging to one’s self esteem, and self image.. In turn those negative feelings feeds back into one’s social interactive behaviour. Thus is the cycle of a self fulfilling prophecy.
OK right off the bat there are some things to be said of match sites like hotornot, social networking sites like myspace and facebook, and online dating. On those websites women have such a limited glimpse of you, that it’s unrealistic to think that they can possibly ‘know you’ from that alone, or even have any kind of real perception of what you are about.
Therefore, they do put a lot of value in your your profile picture. This is ESPECIALLY true for a rating site like hotornot. Depending upon the pic that I post on that site I am anywhere from a 5 to an 8. Guys go on there to rate other guys lower. Highschoolers go on there and get all their friends to rate them 10’s, so as you can see the ratings are completely skewed.
However, they also put considerable judgement in how how you contact them.. what your online opener is so to speak. Act like all the guys lusting after her, and it’s a big next! Be witty, fun, playful, a little cocky, and succinct, and she might just be very intrigued by you.
It’s an interesting fact that some of the most physically attractive men, especially those with ripped abs actually get shunned by women online. One of the biggest mistakes is to pull up your shirt and post a pic that says, “hey I have my shirt off let’s meet and fuck cos that’s all I’m about.” Shirtless posers acting like jerks are going about the whole online dating thing the wrong way.
Girls can far too easily perceive you as a total jerk, especially if you are actually acting like one. Perhaps by being too cocky and sexually crude, making dumb comments and just continually telling the girl how hot she is.. being uninteresting, and seriously lacking a sense of humour will work against you.
The skills we learn in this community give us an advantage, to compensate for the fact that we may not be what a girl is “initially” looking for. From my experience the vast majority of people have nothing to worry about with their looks, and their own insecurities, are just that.. their own.. others are blind to them.
1) More on (pronounced “moron”) looks:
In my experience (and this is a LOT of experience) here are some facts about looks, and appearance:
- being average or less than average looking usually only affects a woman’s initial perceptions of you. I have spent a large amount of time with female friends, and I observe how they interact with guys, and who they date, etc. Being very good looking will give a guy about 30 seconds head start on a less attractive guy. If he then acts like a jerk or an idiot, or a player, or BORING she will generally lose interest rather quickly. Of course there are always exceptions, and there will always be a certain percentage of women who put their looks requirements above all else.
- It would take me a year to transcibe all of the thoughts and knowledge that I have in my head on this subject. For instance did you know that girls will often talk themselves out of dating super hot guys, and even from going over and talking with them. They have their own insecurities, and they also know he is probably a player, or becuase of his wider sexual choice will make a poor boyfriend.
- Improving our Social Acceptablility (see next topic) can significantly boost the perception that a girl feels about our looks. A guy can esily go from being a 5 to a 7, or even to an 8.
- The older a girl gets the less looks matter, especially to attractive women. This is my own personal experience and here are a couple of reasons why this is true:
- She has been emotionally burnt by many good looking player types.
- The older she gets the more she values other qualities in a guy, such as intellect, and maturity through having more life experiences.
2) JDog’s theory of SOCIAL ACCEPTABILITY
This is FAR FAR more important than physical looks. This is based upon how you present yourself. Fashion style, personal grooming (no body odor, fresh breath, no nose beard), Body language, being comfortable when talking to people.
If you are not socially acceptable (both generally, specifically within her peer group) then no matter how much the girl likes you (and this is especially true for younger women 18 to 22) she will blow you off. This is because she knows that her friends would just never accept you. It would be a complete embarrassment.
A guy may be dressed ok, and be groomed ok, but then when he speaks he is awkward to the point that he creeps people out, and makes them feel awkward then the girl will blow him off. Nobody wants to feel creeped out or uncomfortable.
In my experience working with hundreds of guys, this concept of Social Acceptability is what causes one person to get good responses, where another person using exactly the same material will get bad responses.
Some Social Acceptability Points:
- fitting in to peer group
- communication skills and charisma (a learnable skill)
- grooming and hygiene
- fashion sense
- body language
3) Physical Deal Breakers
Some people have what Mystery calls deal breakers. This could be something as stupid as the guy having the name Herman, becuase through social pressure she truly believes that it is socially unacceptable to be dating a guy with such a lame name. More often this would be something like; really bad acne, or very nerdy pebble sized spectacles, outrageous body odor.
So if a guys has a deal breaker aspect to himself then he should acknowledge it, and do everything he can to reduce it’s impact. Improve grooming, and get a style consultant… See a dermatologis or a plastic surgeon to remove a face wart, get a personal trainer and a nutritionist… whatever it takes.. Mystery often recommends that certain students get Lassic eye surgery. *note that I am not recommending anything here, just using examples to make a point*
Case in point.. If I see a hot bodied girl, who is cute but she has an ungly hairy protruding mole on her face then for me that is a deal breaker. Even though she could easily have it removed. Yes, I really am that shallow.. erm.. or should I say distracted easily *grin*
4) Personality, Beliefs, Charisma, and Self Image
Phew.. this is a long one and I don’t have the time to write much about it. Let’s see what I can summarise here.
A confident and charismatic personality is very attractive to a women. Having things that you are truly passionate about in life is also attractive.. well unless it’s stamp collecting.. hmm but hey if you have a $million stamp collection or museum collection then perhaps not.
Personality affects a lot!
Negative Self Image and Limiting Beliefs are in my opinion diseases. A disease in such that they affect such a large number of people on this planet from being happy and achieving what they want in life. Both men and women.
I personally recommend that every guy on this board who has a negative self image to go and see Ross Jeffries, creator of Speed Seduction. I think he should offer a special seminar to just deal with self image and belief structure. He does cover these extensively already in his seminars, but some people really need help on this.
Belifs and Self Image (BSI) affect how confident we are, our body language,, and the subtleties of our communication. In many ways, just having negative BSI will cause people to come off as awkward and creepy during a conversation. Conversely having empowering BSI will cause people to find you charming, charismatic, sincere, and they will wnat to be around you.
5) Social Proof, and social value
Read up on social psychology books such as “Influence” by Robert Cialdini.. also learning some evolutionary biology would benefit you. To discuss this in detail would take many posts, so I’ll be brief, extreme, and crude to make a point.
All I am going to do here is ask you two questions, and make one statement. First question, do ugly ass rock stars.. actors, and other famous people.. do they fuck, date, and marry some of the hottest women on the planet?
Do ugly old wealthy men frequently date, sleep with, and enjoy the company of hot women?
Statement: (This is apparently a fact from some recent study) 10% of women in the united states have slept with their boss!
Long post, but important stuff.
Think good thoughts about yourself,