It’s all too easy to pick fault with ourselves, whether that’s by second guessing our decisions, or by dwelling on our insecurities. I’ve been writing lately about various aspects of Inner Game, from dealing with Approach Anxiety to pushing through the discomfort of rejection.
On a similar track my mind was day dreaming today about a certain woman. Pondering the beauty of a woman is an all too easy pass time for me. From the soft lines of her face, to the allure of her eyes.. her full lips that I can’t stop thinking about.. I kept glancing at them when she was talking to me. Her smooth skin.. the curves of her body. Deep breath…….aaaannd continue.. In fact if we didn’t have to talk to each other I could happily have a conversation in my own head while gazing at a woman’s beauty.. hmm and I could quite easily do that right now, so before I completely lose my train of thought here.. What does she see in me? What can she see in me? Does she have to like my physical looks? Can she feel these types of feelings towards any aspect of me? ..and perhaps most importantly.. Do I like me?
What is there about me that she can find beautiful in some way, if I were to look through her eyes, and listen through her ears? This doesn’t have to be about physical looks either. However, I am of the opinion that once you start connecting with someone, you do start to change the way you see them to some extent. Your perception of their beauty actually changes. If you really connect then they appear more attractive to you overall, and you feel more comfortable in their company. On the flip side, when someone’s personality is off in some way, or they fundamentally conflict with your core values, then you may perceive that person as less attractive. Can you think of times in your own life when either of these were true? Take a moment to think about this, before you continue to follow along with what I’m saying. Read more
What are your thoughts about this video? Post your comments below!
I have a question for you. How well do you truly understand women? More specifically, do you have any idea what it’s really like to be a very beautiful woman? How does she feel inside from being stared at wherever she goes?
Does she get tired of being hit on constantly, but at other times find herself seeking the validation she is so used to? What are her frustrations, anxieties, and difficulties that arise just because she is more attractive? Or is her life perfect 100% of the time, because let’s face it most guys will do anything for her, right?
Unless you have dated a few desirable women then I would think that you wouldn’t really understand the reality of what it’s like to be a woman of particular beauty. If you have studied the female mind, and enough seduction related materials then perhaps you have started to get some insight, but without spending a lot of time around beautiful women, either as a platonic friend (by your own choice,) or through dating, then it’s difficult to have a deep understanding.
I remember several years ago seeing part of a Dr. Phil show, where a stunningly beautiful women, who seemed on the surface to have an idyllic life, just completely broke down on camera. I didn’t get it at the time. I didn’t get that her life could be anything other than perfect. Most people find it difficult to relate to the problems that come alongside beauty. Much in the same way that beautiful women have no concept as to what it’s like being an average, or less than average looking guy. She has no frame of reference. She doesn’t need one though, as she’s not trying to get with the average guy.
Attractive women may get what they want a lot of the time, and they might get treated better than most, but there is a flip side. She has to screen through mountains of men who fake kindness and sincerity, to find the ones who are genuine. Does she find that she frequently gets played by the high valued men in her life? She may find it constantly more difficult in the work place, and not because of men, but because other women are jealous of her looks, and therefore make her life difficult. There may be an emotional separation between her and her best girlfriend. She always gets the attention from guys, who directly hit on her, while treating her girlfriend like chopped liver. This causes difficulties, and is one of the reasons why we say to open the friend first. Win the friends over before focusing your attention on the hottest girl in the group. Realize that there are a myriad other difficulties attractive women face.
Is she brushing you off because she dislikes you personally? Or is she tired of having 12 guys hit on her today with lame approaches, and no obvious regard for her as a person? Perhaps she just needs to make the best use of her time, and has programmed herself to shut down certain advances form ANY guy. Think twice before calling her a bitch.
Understanding her reality will skyrocket your chances of getting further with her. When women feel that you understand their world they will instantly be set at ease, and they will want to connect with you. It is the rarity. It was my good friend Ross Jeffries who first shared this concept with me. Ross calls it “Being An Authority On Her World.” If conveys so many positives about you. She will think, “wow, this guy really gets me!” She will know that you must have dated a lot of beautiful women, therefore there is unstated preselection being conveyed. For you Mystery Method guys out there that would be a DHV (Displaying Higher Value,) while hitting one of the primary attraction switches.
Granted it’s a catch 22, because in order to raise your chances of dating beautiful women it helps considerably to have previously dated other beautiful women. So what can you do about it? Choose to develop platonic friendships with such women for starters. Take an interest in the female mind.
I did find one guy’s video response to the Sundance clip on youtube, sorry I couldn’t embed the video as embedding was disabled according to the author’s settings. If you’re interested in another guy’s thoughts on this then click the HERE.
I was having an interesting chat with one of my wings recently. He said that I was unusual in the way that I stuck with learning, and practicing even when I wasn’t getting the results that I wanted. He said that from his time in the community most guys will get disillusioned and quit. He put it stronger by saying that most guys just can’t deal with getting emotionally pummeled on a regular basis from all of the rejections. So they quit before ever getting to the point where they actually start to “get it”, and they never really see consistent positive results.
So I described to him my motivation to keep going. It wasn’t a strong desire to have sex with swimsuit models, although who wouldn’t want that. Yes, wanting hotter women was a factor, but not the factor which kept me going. Read more
I have a strange curiosity.. no, not about soccer moms.. I know they can be cute.. nope, more fascinated by Twitter Moms
Perhaps you don’t find this all that shocking? For all I know you’re sitting there nodding.. knowingly. Either way.. is Twitter Moms just for mothers, or could it possibly be a place to cruise for some hot milf action? Perhaps it is, and more liberally minded ones at that.
Do I really know if there are hoards of single mothers on there.. no.. lol.. but I did like the movie About A Boy, where he discovered the joys of dating single moms. Memorable quote, “I am an island. I am bloody Ibiza!”
When I teach workshops I talk about many ways to deal with approach anxiety. Here are 10 quick tips on how to stop approach anxiety.
- Act Like It’s A Game – When an interaction is over, just hit the reset button, and try again. You learn and get further in the game each time you hit that reset button. A game should be fun, not emotionally weighed down. Your out there to have fun, and other people’s reactions are unimportant.
- Remove The Outcome – For some it helps to remove the outcome. By this I mean that they initially (while learning) should have only one goal, and that is to enjoyably learn from the interaction. Others may want to keep their eye on the ball by challenging themselves to get further, such as by setting a desired outcome in their mind before opening. That might be to bounce the girl to another venue, or to simply initiate some sort of touch during the conversation. Read more
If you haven’t already heard, “Dating In The Dark” is a new reality dating show, where couples meet and go on dates in complete lights out darkness. Made possible with some very nifty infra-red video cameras. On the surface it seems like an idea with some great potential, and while it can be thought provoking at times it falls short of anything more than a dull and superficial social experiment. In a nutshell Dating In The Dark can pretty much stay in the dark, as it fails to shed any new light on what role looks play at the beginning of relationships.
Episode 1 recap
Three guys, and three gals move into a house and get paired up with each other. They generally make out, and have as much of a ‘date’ as they can in a sparse pitch black room before they actually see their partner for the first time. Interspersed with all this they go off and discuss what happened with their house mates.
Upon seeing their match they go back and either brag, or complain about their physical looks, before going on a final and normal day date if they decide to give it a shot. Who will stay together, and who will not.. I’m riveted.. ok not really. Whoever thought up this idea certainly knows how to cash in on a cheaply produced show, and for that I give big props.
I did like one sound bite from episode 2, where one of the girls reported that her date made her feel so comfortable.. “..being on my date with him was very comfortable, and being able to feel that on a first date is very important..” or words to that effect. This is the one and rare golden nugget of the show.
Here’s a quick preview of the show: